Waving Wednesday 2 results

27/07/2013 § 1 Comment

It’s an evening of announcements.

Firstly, you can now (four days ahead of schedule, thanks to the efficiency of various online outlets in making it available) buy Waving, Not Drowning in all its formats.

The place to go is www.wavingnotdrowningbook.com

Before you click the above link, read on to discover whether you’re one of the lucky ones who has earned the right not to pay for it. For there now follow the results of the second Waving Wednesday challenge.

Crikey, this was a hard one.

The task was, if you remember, to come up with suitable names for conductors.

Entries were, at first, thin on the ground.

Turned out you were just thinking.

There were various approaches.

Some of you came up with real(ish) sounding names that put you in mind of conductorial types: good examples were Cecil Denman-Birchard and Gustav von Taktstock-Klappe.

A couple of people decided that sycophancy was the best policy and provided “Lev Parikian”. Close but no cigar. More inventive was “Wei-Wing Knott-Drowning”, which had the advantage of extreme topicality.

And then there were the puns.

A small but dedicated band on Facebook seemed to take the competition as incitement to outdo each other in the production of atrocious wordplay in truly gargantuan quantities. In the interests of completeness, and against my better judgement, I list all the entries below.

No top ten this time. To be honest, I could have picked a top thirty, and they would probably have in many ways been barely distinguishable from the bottom thirty. I laughed, smiled and groaned in equal measure. At one point, when I thought it would never end, I started to bang my head gently against the kitchen wall. So if you have not been selected, do not despair – your entry or entries were probably just as wonderful or appalling as those that won.

So, the “winners”.

Alan Titherington had supped copiously from the Never-Ending Goblet of Unforgivable Wordplay. His Hans Nesen-Bömzedazee was almost irresistible.


But he also came up with the rather marvellous Etwas Neiderdown-Orup, for which he shares first prize.

Ed Beesley was again a prime mover and shaker, and hit a bit of a purple patch close to the wire. Pandora Preciated was his, as was the rather convoluted Dianne Rector (Young child of a man named Mu, she’s Mu’s ickle Di Rector), in which I detect the poisonous influence of I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue.

He gets a book too.

Giles Wade will, I’m sure, be pleased to discover that he contributed some of what were in my opinion the most heinous entries, but he also came up with Al Togethernow, which has a pleasing (or nauseating, depending on your point of view) simplicity. For that, and for being as assiduous in his pursuit of a free book as Simon Cowell is in his pursuit of a fat lip, he gets one.

A free book, that is, not a fat lip, although it was a close call at times.

To everyone else who entered: thank you for entering into the spirit. Rest assured that your participation is much appreciated. There will be one more Waving Wednesday competition before the “official” release date, even though, as you will remember from the beginning of this post (doesn’t it all seem a long time ago?) that release date has been brought forward by four days and you can now hasten to www.wavingnotdrowningbook.com and buy your own copy.

Copies. I mean copies.


The complete list, if you’re so inclined.

Adam Nedman
Al Overdeshop
Al Own-Upfront
Al Togethernow
Al Ways-Flapping
Alda Glory
Aliena Atema (née Bours)
Anna Crusis
Armand Stick
Arnie Daraise
Arnold Grouch
Art Iculation
Arthur ‘Wavy Gravy’ Wilkinson
Arthur Itty
Arty Zirrelevant
Avery Niceman
B Hindebeet
Ben Marcato
Ben Marcato
Ben Zatzenees
Betty Soutovtym
Billy Nomates
Brooke Nerwun
Buck Upfeet
C U Wagstaff
Carrie Theeband
Cecil Denman-Birchard
Cedric Clink
Chantel Wattiyern
Chester Bitu-Laud
Chuck Imout
Claire Dawn Beet
Clary Netshore-Toophlat
Corey Soflat
Cornelia Goodbeet
D A Capo
D S Al Coda
Dai Fledermaus
Dai Lemfur-Mordor
Dai Levfur-Morder
Dai Ohne-Mahler
Dai the Stick
David Eoing-Me
Derek Ting
Des Pickable
Di Abolic
Di Nammicks
Dianne Rector (Young child of a man named Mu, she’s Mu’s ickle Di Rector)
Dick Tayta
Diri Gent
Don Follomi
Don Follomi
Don T Watchalot
Don Tdisevdis
Donna Nysoot
Donna Watch
E L Kaida
Ed Indaclouds
Edward Woodward-Wood
Elizabeth “Betty” Stopsus
Etwas Neiderdown-Orup
Eva Sogood
Fay Doncue
Fi Vsix-Sevenate
Fiedl Stoosharp
Fonda Ofstrings
Frank Furtervender
Fraser Way
Gale Leon Wards
George Alexander II
Gloria Waits
Gordon BennettIwishthebrasswouldstopplayingsodamnloudly
Graeme Valse
Gustav von Taktstock-Klappe
Gustav Windblumiscorov
Hans Nesen-Bömzedazee
Hans Winken
Helen a Tux
Henry Woodn’t
Hillary O’Sty
Hope Les Carvers
Hornst Urlate-Again
Hugh Jeego
Hugh Jeego
Isla Kompanyoo
Ivan C Mizelf
Ivan Ego
Ivan Fischernchips
Ivan Tmyone-Greenroom
Ivana Lez-Trumpet
Ivor Biggigo
Izzie Tinforortou
J Alan Frezi
Jen Raleigh-Late
Jen Rally-Ignored
Jens Cufflink
Jess Ticulates
Joist Watchme
Juan Sagen (from Thetopp)
Juan Tooth-Refore
Juan Tu
Justin Dickating
Justin Time
Kanyu Lou Katme
Keep Calm and Karajan
Kurt Buttfair
Lee Derspet
Len Theepaws
Les Gofromze-Topp
Les Takeitfromm III
Les Tryth Atagain
Lessbow Strings
Lev Enoclock-Teabreak
Lev Parikian
Lonesome Carver
Lord Irving Butterclutch
Lou Sensovtyme
Lukasz Flappihandski
Luke Atmee
Lutsliki Niedsapee
M U Feezonly
Mark Itdowne-Brass
Mary Tandbeats
Maximus Wagstaff
Mei Mei-Mei
Melody Stockschwenker
Mike Eweslate
Mitt Dampfer
Mo Vibrato
Mya Gentsdead
Naimh Arrontyme
Nev Ergivprais
Newt Rumpet
Nick Schleppend
Noah Dear
Noah Vertime
Orla Boutme
Pandora Preciated
Pauk N Hardershticken
Perry Luss
Peter Doubt
Phil Kingston
Pierre Singstaire
Puiz Sicarto
Q Rhys Tempo
R U Luke Ingatmi
Reid Thekee
Reinhardt Cowboy
Ron Tempo
Ros Trum
Rosa Buvitall
Rose Wein
S Hocking-Cacophony
Sakari Peitsalmi-Pärt
Sakari Peitsi-Tollo
Sarah Langsam
Sforzt Zando
Sheik Yerbouti
Shirley Hecantgetpaidmorethanus
Sian Tgivq
Sigmund Streicher
Signor Molto Affrettando
Sir C U Pot
Sir Deus Omnipotens
Sir Malcolm Maclome
Sir Preising Bratsche-Melodie
Sophie Erce
Stan Dalone
Stan Dan D’Eliver
Sue Schnell
Sue Zafonezlate
Tai Ka Bao
Terry Buldin
Terry Bulku
Tessie Tura
The late Viola Assalwais
Thor Armth
Tim Paniwhatplanetareyouon
Tony Def
Ute Lee-Hopliss
Vidas y Karion
Viola Harrier
Viola Perfect
Viola Playa-Lauda
Viola Urelate
W Ind-Mill Chirodenizen
Wanda Beat
Wavey Davey
Wei-Kyup Brass
Wei-Wing Knott-Drowning
Wendy Heck-will-this-stop
Wendy Yucomine
Will Hikumi
Will Yuqumi
William Anchor
Willie Wobblestick
Willy Doanencore
Willy Woanty
Wima Feerise
Windy Miller
Yuri Lee-Late
Yuri Licantplai
Yuri Ndarongbar
Yuri Notwatchki
Yvonne Tutor-Loveme
Zoltan Peppa

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